Seeking Restoration...

I looked up the word restoration, and it speaks of returning to a previous condition....before impact...so, it seems as if my goal for the next few months should be to pursue the restoration of myself...just that. Let the rest of the world take care of itself...in strides...day by day...do the best that I can to guide the kids, hold the workplace together...keep in touch with friends and family...but most importantly...care for me...
I'm starting today...putting Becca back in order...starting with a slow warm shower...and a smile today...baby steps, nothing big...just enough to soothe me...positive thoughts...and random thoughts of the many ways...to get myself back...to that place that made me happy...
Today, I'm going to make a point of not complaining....that can be my very first real step...the maid left? another one will come...the house isn't impecable? tomorrow's another day to clean it...the kids are giving me a hard time? They're kids...it'll pass...It's raining? Good...we needed the water to cool off....Hmmm...the practice of positive thinking...starts today...starts right now...
What triggered this?...Yesterday I was interviewing maids...and this one lady walked into my home...with the saddest look I had seen in a long time....very humble looking...with a newspaper in her hand...she was telling me that she's from the interior of the country...and came to Panama with her two babies...2 boys...one is a year old and the other is three...her children...that she needs to feed...so she came to the city, after her husband had been bitten by a snake, on a farm...where they cared for the animals...the farm was owned by a Canadian family that moved back home...and because the land was so far from any town...they couldn't get her husband the attention he needed for the snake bite, and he died on the way....so this woman with her two babies came to town, to her mother's house to find work...a life and future for her children....
Last week, her mother died of a heartattack....and here she should before me...with a crumbled newspaper telling me her story....with the courage only a mother can have....she took the newspaper and without knowing her way around...she began to ask building to building for job opportunities....this woman, that had lost so much already....was strong...and moving forward for her kids...she wasn't crying...she wasn't at a therapist....she was on her feet...on the street...trying to make a difference in her life...with so little...a few dollars perhaps...and so much pain to carry....sighs...it broke my heart....at the end of the conversation she told me that she needed to travel back and forth and couldn't sleep here....and the pain in her eyes when I told her that wasn't what I needed was unbearable....so, I took down her number...and ensured her that I'd help her find something....and she smiled....and she gave me strength...because if she could smile...during this moment of her life...then so can I....
I gave her number to a friend that may need her to come in and clean the office...I'm also asking at work...because I truly believe that she was sent to me....to help me...so now I need to help her...
Inspiration comes in the most interesting shapes and places....the trick is to have our senses open to it...because it doesn't show up often...
Today is a good day...and tomorrow will be even better....