Men...

Being separated has shown me men in a whole other light...when you're married you're interesting...because you're someone else's "problem" and when you're separated...you can easily become either a liability because you're a "potential problem" or a "potential fuck buddy". Not even sure that made sense...but it's exactly how I feel about the whole "dating" thing...
It's bad to be too good...bad to be too bad...bad to be recently separated...bad to have been separated for a long time...it's like there's no rules, really...other than...let's make it impossible for someone to be honest and giving because it's a jungle out there!!!
I mean, take today for instance...I'm in shock and awe and not even going to justify people anymore...why do I have the worst judge-of-character-0-meter???? First, I go and fall into the first idiot's bed...thinking I've found a good thing...first jackass...and then I find mr. hot that is either another jackass or doesn't want to taint the virgin mary (me), and none of them have the balls to say so...so they just fade away into the darkness...moral? They can all go fuck themselves...lol. I'm starting to really believe that all men are true idiots, each in their styles...ones more obviously than others...but really...they all are.
Take T for example...and not to drag him into this....but, let's say the cat was out of the bag I'm not sure he'd be so nice and understanding with me...let's face it...if he ever had to drop me like a ton of bricks...because the homefront is in danger...he would! And so...the day in and day out conversations...listening...caring...would probably all turn into a big fat NOTHING...
I mean really...take away the romantic idea of him being my true friend and all that...at the end of the day...it's a 9 to 5 Monday to Friday...use the company's resources, don't have to spend a dime of my own wallet...convenient little set up...I don't see him making any efforts (other than the maybe twice a year trips) to invest more than that....why should he? I'm depressed...oh well...let's wait till Monday to see if you're better...forget an e-mail or something...to see if I'm having a shitty weekend...I mean, he doesn't even get online late at night...or maybe he does...but just not visibly to me...sighs...yes, this is my way of making him just like all the rest...serves no purpose to put him above them...when in the end...he's just a man...and a married one at that...
I pretty much offered myself on a silver platter....lol...and NADA...unfuckingbelievable! The man didn't as much as call me! I'm telling you...cowards! Grow some balls...and tell me, uhmmm I don't think it's a good idea...I dunno...something...but no...I swear I'm so angry I could scream...and more than angry...I'm actually sad...because I don't seem to learn...here I was thinking I was in control....I was going to do something daring...and, this ass...made me feel like I can't even qualify for a roll in the hay! In the meantime, the other idiot is calling me every 2 hours...and I don't even like him! Sighs...I'm in a bad mood....
Enough trying....