Grant me the Serenity.....

Noone can give me peace but myself....noone can make me feel OK...unless I allow it....so my major challenge today is to keep taking chill pills....and breathe...life is good...everything is ok...and there's no need to panic...lol. Tomorrow is another day, and then another...and another...and then it happens...that it's time to enjoy a little...after all the grief...self imposed grief...lol, not entirely true but geeze...it almost feels like pursuing a little happiness might be a shitty idea....not really...but it's HARD! Noone said it would be easy...I know...but wow...it just gets trickier...I can only hope that I will have come out stronger at the end of the road...
It's alot of work...this whole dealing with people thing..and the emotions...boy am I damaged! I can't have a healthy relationship to save my life!!! Well...haven't so far...can't say that I might not learn but geeeeeeeeeeeeeze....by the time I'm done the men in the world will have me on the psycho list! Well, the good news is...as shrinks say...crazy people don't go around worrying if they're crazy...so I must not be too psycho...lol.
Live and let live....give people space! Especially in my situation...gotta take it sloooooow....and if things don't work out, they're not meant to....so, popping chill pills here...
Work is good....relief sighs...I can always rely on work to keep me happy...lol and my kids...when they behave...which they have and will until we drop the bomb and I become the monster that pushed daddy away...sighs...I'm so misunderstood...and it pains me...truly...
I have myself to blame though..with this armor that I wear around...I don't give people much of a choice to think anything else...strength..not much feelings...egocentric...selfish...yada yada yada...
Screw people! LOL...they'll talk regardless....am I having a silent nervous breakdown? Will I have the luxury to have one? Walk into the woods and scream bloody murder? Punch and rip pillows till I fall asleep...cry, bitch and drink till I can't remember anything? Gosh...that sounds so good just about now....lol. Gotta wait...till the ex takes the kids for the weekend...lol...and have my doctor on speed dial cuz knowing what a wimp I am...I'll get drunk and have a panic attack HA!
Ok....nite nite...