Peaceful Sunday....

The older kids are off at friends homes, the little one is here with me....she's great to hang out with....such an old soul...telling me how she loves Avril Lavigne...and how I HAVE TO listen to the high school musical CD because it's amazing...lol...and that Cheetah Girls are pretty good too...as we had lunch together in the den...no stress for me today...so far...lol.
Had an odd moment last night though...must have been hormonal, driven by PMS...because I wasn't feeling too great...kinda warm...thought I was feverish...so came into my son's room to wake the Mr...thought I shouldn't...but I did anyway....the AC was cooler in there....so crawled into bed with him...I did...I guess it was instinct more than anything...it feels like I'm almost under water these days...having him around and not doing my usual...holding onto him all the time...not that I'm complaining...I actually like the fact that life goes on as usual...with or without the holding...I guess I need to take baby steps and that set backs are to be expected after so many years....the funny part was that I wasn't comfy, we were in a twin bed...lol...so I ended up going back to my bed in the morning...to sleep in all by myself...
I wish I didn't still feel the need for his contact...I can't even say it's about touching...but just knowing that he's next to me....habits are the damnest thing...
And...he's on the warpath because he's doing all the things he knows I like...and that weaken me...everything except sex...I think it's been non verbally agreed that nothing like that is going on any time soon...lol, sounds silly and all....but I still believe it's needed...to keep my head on and straight...and make the most of the whole counseling thing....change can be HARDDDDDD...
I think I understand why some people would rather stay in there comfort zones than try anything new...even if might be better...it's too much of a process...to undergo unless it's unbearable to stay where you are....and in my case...it has been at times...
So, I fixed up the house...took my mother in law shopping...made lunch...cleaned up a bit more...and here I am...enjoying the quiet...
I have to take the little one to dance practice in about an hour...and pick up the other two right after that to take them to a cousin's birthday party....more in law family....YAY...blah...lol.
And it's back to work tomorrow again...I don't feel like I'm getting much rest....need to fix that...some hot showers and such...more walking....yoga perhaps...and lots of happy thoughts...
Having many many of those lately....life is pretty good, considering...
And I'm content that I'm at least taking some important steps....I know it'll take awhile for it all to be sorted out...and probably some uncomfy times....but, I'm on the boat...there's no jumping overboard now....
Need to slow down on the anxiety though...too much munching...I'm going to look like a cow soon...LOL...
Men...hmmm, let's see...what's there to be said about them today? The guy I work with...temperature of the day is....pretty cool...which is a great sign....I even told him that I felt as if things were settling back to normal...thank heavens...it was too weird. I mean, it'll never be exactly the same but....in fact closer as friends...and that's it...lol...I think it was all pretty silly to begin with and I'm very thankful that it didn't escalate....that would've been terrible.....and now with me moving away from him soon...it'll just fade away....not interested in getting myself into anything anywhere really....I think I feel...ok with the way my life is right now...I have a little bit of everything...just enough to keep me on my toes...so, I hope he gets it together when his son is born...with the new house...and child...I'm pretty sure he'll stop the crazy thoughts...and for his sake...I really wish that she can be what he needs...
As for Mr. T....hmmm....it's good. I have to say that I'm ok with the set up....perhaps with my new schedule...I'm gradually accepting alot better the way things have changed...and, I'd lie if I said I prefer things this way....but it's pretty good actually. Not too much...not too little....I'm not flying high in la la land...but I'm not frustrated either....I think that there's some trust there now...and, to be honest...why wouldn't there be? There's free will....no obligation....and we've chosen to stick around...the only difference? He knows almost everything I do and think....and I don't wonder so much about him anymore...I've accepted that communication is more one way...and it's not a bad thing...I think I know...everything that I need to know about him at this point...and the parts of him that I know...I like....so, it's all good. Yeah...I know...there's a hint of some bitchiness in that statement....I guess it's just the remainders of my old thought processes...no biggie...ok, enough thinking about this....no spoiling it...lol. Things are good as they are....and I don't have to look beyond today....it works for me right now...smiles.
It would be great to get to see him...if the whole trip thing works out...
I guess it will...if it's meant to...
The place is only an hour plus away from my family...so the extra days will be a must...don't think my boss will have an issue with it...would have to work out the details...lol....but, not stressing over it just yet....hope to get some confirmation by the end of the week though...to make my plans...if they can be made....lol...smiles...yep, would be really nice to see him again...and for some reason it feels right...not that it hasn't before...but almost like I don't have doubts...and I know what I want....but that's for a future blog...hehehe...
Okies...done here...getting sleepy and need to clean up somemore....no maid on Sundays just sucks....