Out of the fog....

Feeling much better....headache is gone, and the cousin's birthday party this afternoon changed the mood somewhat....catching up with people I hadn't seen in awhile...was nice. Maybe I need to get out more...lol. Nah...then I'd get sick of people...god I'm an oger...lmao.
So...the only reason I came on here to write was because I wanted to get some thoughts off of my brain...and then go out to dinner...and to bed....tomorrow's another work day...hectic, busy and fun...lol...no maid, so...some added stress there...but no biggie...as long as my brain is working well, and no pain is lingering...I can manage.
So, I guess what he asked has stuck in my brain...why? Why do I feel the way that I do about him...and, I wanted to put it down, as it comes to mind...to maybe understand better what it's all about...that's what this blog is about I think...writing down my thoughts to work through the bad ones...and reinforce the good ones...and at the end of the day get to know myself better...or at least try...lol.
Ok...so, he's a kind man. How do I know that? Well...the way he treats people, from what I've seen is that of a considerate and kind person. He's attentive, and tries to make the people around him feel good...yes, maybe those he doesn't know too well...and it's more of a superficial thing...harder for him to keep up as the plot thickens...I think he manages it well, when he's not asked to do it...and it just flows...but if he's required to...or expected to...things change...but, maybe my perception is a little biased, because I'm not in a typical situation with him...
At work, I remember him going out of his way to please people...and being nice...and joking...and charming...and that's what he's normally like...and as all of us mere mortals can have the ocassional bad day...but granted that compared to me...he shares his frustrations very very seldom...so, not sure if he doesn't have them as often...or just doesn't talk about them...probably the latter..
He seems to take interest in things outside of himself...like me...lol...and how I feel, and what I think...that is also part of his kindness...I'm not sure I can really explain it in words because alot of it is just a feeling I get when I talk to him...I can sense...or feel in my gutt...that he wants to understand me...and wants things to be ok between us...and I like that. Just knowing that he cares enough...because I know he does...probably more than he'd like to...
I like that he's his own person...that one ranks very high on my list...from what I've seen...he, almost to the point that can bug me...he's independant. But as a man...I find that very appealing...that he's a made man, in the sense that he works very hard....is very driven...doesn't hesitate...and seems to know what he wants out of life...whether people agree with him or not.
I like that he's a family man....yes, I know that he doesn't want children but he absolutely adores his family...the way he speaks about his parents...I can feel that admiration he has for his father...the deep respect for his mother....how he cherishes his sisters...it makes me smile just thinking about it...he's a good man.
I like that he loves life...and can find pleasure in simple things...like food...or sports...or women...lol. Scratch women being simple...lol...at least not me...
It's like he wants to suck the juice out of every second of his life...has no time to complain...and wants to...by the time it's all said and done...to have done what he wanted...the way he wanted to....
I like his smile...and his eyes...and how he sounds....the tone of his voice...lol...god I'm pathetic.
This is funny...to just sit here...and disect every little thing that I like about him....don't think I had done this before...
I love his passion....and how he can make me feel....with his eyes...and his hands...and his...everything...lol, not even going there...
Yes, the lovemaking is pretty damn amazing...and it doesn't even have to be about doing it....it can start by something as subtle as his hand on my thigh...but his grip...and his touch...do it for me....lol.
I like his sense of style....most of the time...lol. His choices in cologne...how he can shave without using any cream or lotion...just au naturel...without blinking an eye...like a man...
I like that he can be a manly man....but at the same time be so gentle...and tender...
I like that he can be thoughtful...and yes, even though he doesn't really apply it with me much at all...I've seen it...and the fact that I know that he's capable of it....appeals to me...
I like that we have like a sixth sense to read each other....that shows how deep of a man he can be...despite his efforts in coming across as simple...
I like that he lets me know that he's thinking about me...even if it's only with that one phone call, or message...he'll reach out to me...even when he's had a shitty, hectic and very busy day because I'm important to him....
I like that he's softly held my hand while I've wandered out of my shell....and he's not let go of my hand since...even when I pull and tug onto him...he might tighten his grip, but he's never let go...
I like the fact that he can get into music in the way that I can...really feeling it...connecting with it...
I like that he notices little things that most people don't....like when I changed my hair color a long time ago...or the clothes that I wear...or my moods...without me saying a word...
I like that he's smart...clever....witty....daring...adventurous...
I like that he can be very romantic...even if it's not with me. His outting with his wife...monthly conmemorations...and just keeping tabs on special ocassions with her...tell me that he's a loving partner, spouse....or whatever...or, that he can be...
Sighs...I thought I'd get passed that one without having to pause...
But hey, it's reality....and it makes him an even better man...so, yes...it explains why I feel the way that I do about him...it has nothing to do with his relationship with me...but more so, it says alot about him as a person....so there.
That's just not a part of him that I get to see....but I know it's there.
But, I think that I can't think of anything else that I like about him right now....lol. Can't help feeling a little uncomfy about that...because it's almost as if I'm accepting that I don't deserve that...even though I know that it's not about that...it's the circumstances...but, it feels shitty.
Anywho...I think I got some good stuff out there today...perhaps I'll get further along tomorrow.
Till tomorrow blog spirits...lol.