Temptation...

There's something to be said about faithful and monogamous people....two words...will power! Who would purposely say no to pleasure and letting go of all inhibitions....to say hello to routine? Yes, I know...all the normal and decent people out there....we're not animals...bla bla...I get it...but, letting go just feels sooooo good...lol.
So, I'm making a rational choice...stay away...only communicate by phone...maybe that'll help the desire fade? I mean, I'm pretty sure it's just a case of I-want-what-I-can't-have....and knowing the impediments makes it even more desirable...predictable little creatures us humans can be....
I KNOW in my thinking brain that it's wrong...not the right person to get in trouble with...just by the way he talks about the other one...but...I guess I'm a sucker for sticky situations....because, it excites me...in fact, just teasing and knowing it's not escalating is what makes it such a high...plus of course the power that knowing he's crazy about me...gives me....I mean, he can't carry a conversation anymore...walking temptation he called me today...and, as much of slut that that makes me...I love it!
Ok...let's get this straight....I can't stop looking at this mouth...and his hands...and wondering...to the point where I can feel physically aroused....with no apparent stimulation other than my brain....so, he tells me how beautiful my eyes are...oldest line in the book....but the fact that he's never said that to me...with those eyes...and that voice...just makes it...disarming...
Or when he asks me point blank...if I want to....and I can't get the words out of my mouth....or...or...lmao@me....when he tells me that he wants to do...something specific...that most men really like....and that...I just go crazy over....lol....and he's sitting right across from me...not 3,000 miles away...am I crazy??????? To say no?????
So, if I could just have sex for the sake of sex....and forget about it all the next day...I would...just for the sake of experience...but, we all know that's utopia...because with his latin genes and my intensity...we'd never see the end of it....it would turn into a little bit more each time..until we're completely lost...
I mean...he asked me to go with him to his house...that he's building...for his wife!!! And for what? Inspect how strong the floors are?...lol...thank heavens for common sense...and my will power because even at the peak of hormonal bliss...I've managed to see through the bs...and stay in a somewhat safe zone...or am I? Isn't bad enough that I even think about it...and get all hot and bothered? Or is that what's allowed...and only that?
So today...I did something I probably shouldn't....which ended in me calling it quits for awhile...and not seeing each other...for now...until hormones get back in gear...
He said he'd come over....I waited he didn't show...apparently we missed each other...and he did go over and ended up waiting for me for half an hour....I went over and left him a snotty notes and some brownies I had offered....end of story...he calls...and I was heading home and turned back...TURNED BACK! What am I....stupid????
So I rationalized by thinking...well how rude of me for making him wait...I need to make it up to him...but how much of it was being nice, and how much was me taking the opportunity to sit there and continue the teasing....back and forth....I have to admit...it's fun!
Good news...it was all very public...nothing happened...other than the usual questions...and memory flashes....and me telling him we should stay away from each other until it all passes...he didn't want to...until he accepted....good....let's see how long it lasts....
This is surreal to even write about...oh, and funny enough...every time I'm there...she calls!
Makes me feel bad...knowing how she feels...and I don't....that I'm wasting the time that she wants...but on the other hand...
He's inmature...so enough thinking....not happening....
I mean, if he can talk about her to me...imagine what he'd do about me with the next....nope...can't take that chance...
Well, not sure that's entirely a true hypothesis...because I talk about him....but just with someone in particular...maybe it's a trust thing? And not lack of character?
In any event, it's playing with fire...and I'm not about to get burnt for no apparent reason...right?
But...it's exciting...and interesting...and reminds me once again of how beginnings feel...lol...even though this one starts and ends at just about the same spot...
So, he asked me again...where I met the other one...if in those sleezy little motels..what the heck does he think??? Who does he think I am? As if...no matter how swept away noone is getting me into one of those...lol
Ok....and I know it's hateful to compare...but my nature urges me to...what's the inventory here?
Mature vs. inmature, experienced vs. maybe experienced....did I say mature vs. inmature? lol
He has his charm though...no question about it....his eyes...he knows what to say...how to look at me...to disarm me....if I let him...but, won't.
Completely crazy about me vs....lol...well, interested...
Can't get me out of his head vs....manages his feelings until he can see me again...very calculated..
Passionate...vs. passionate...
Painfully drawn to me vs....interested...lol
Doesn't want any other man to look at me...vs....couldn't care less who looks at me or does me for that matter...
Did I say crazy about me vs. interested? LOL
Yes, women are idiots....and I might be easy but damn....that stuff goes a long way...
I mean from a rational standpoint it's great a man that can stay in control of himself and most things...but from a passion standpoint you want crazy...madly head over heels...can't keep it in his pants anymore...lol
You want impulsive over controlled...
Heat over warmth...
I know...that if that man were to lay a hand on me...he'd drive me wild....there, I found the reason why I don't want to do it...and can't and won't....lol
But my god I can think about it...lmao
So....game plan is distance...this time purposely self imposed...let's see how it goes...
Until tomorrow....