Patterns....

Trying to find some here...and one thought comes to mind....good men. I like honest to goodness kind hearted, soft....men, that can also be passionate and steamy...and knock my socks off. But they need to be gentle...and caring...and tender...and, they all are...lol.
I think it's really funny, and the be-careful-what-you-wish-for saying comes to mind...because my life right now, is anything but dull...LOL, at least not on the inside...although appearances can be deceiving and boy have I learned that lesson well....
Comparisons are hateful, yet I keep falling into them...well, and I'm only human and have never had so many people together to compare...lmao, so I think I can make a tiny exception here for the sake of analysis and mental clarity, no?
Positives....everyone seems to cherish my friendship beyond physicality...and for someone with few friends...good ones...that's a winner any day.
Positives....nobody wants to intentionally hurt me...
Positivies...charming men surround me...lol, and that always is positive...
Bummer....well, nature of the circumstances...
Bummer....that's pretty much it...because having met any of these guys under different terms might have actually been a positive...lol and I'd be bitching about them...and thinking about someone else probably...HA!
Seriously though...it's fun to wake up one day, age 35 and realize that not only do I have it going on...but it's all over the board! And that I'm not an asshole magnet...g'd forbid...or I would be a mess by now....not that they don't have asshole potential...all men do...lol, but for some reason they're not inclined to use it on me...must be the adorable factor...LOL
Maybe the night on the beach was just a moment...and it needs to be left alone...time will tell I guess...lol@his comment of a potential trip in October...that would be pretty darn dangerous I'd say...but hey, if it's meant to be...lol who am I to stand in the way of fate? laughing...
Not that anyone would give a rat's ass anyway...lol
Why am I so hung up on that?
I know...as I told him that jealousy isn't an indicator of caring but more so of insecurity...but I believe that any warm blooded human being would feel SOMETHING if the woman they've been carrying on an intimate relationship with...was contemplating getting physical with someone else...much much closer...right? Maybe the warm blood is the x factor....it gets pretty cold where he's at....maybe it's broken his internal thermometer...frozen to the core...
Knowing how practical he is...he's probably thinking well...if it's what she wants...and bla bla all that crap...plus she's not my wife...so why get all bothered about it...she can do as she pleases...freedom, understanding and all that liberal bullshit that floats around his brain hotel...
I would feel something...if it was him...for sure...
Maybe not full blow hysteria...but would skip a beat or two....if, it hasn't happened already...because I'm walking evidence that there's no sainthood in this world...everyone has a secret...or several...and knowing how driven he is...who knows...oh well....none of my business...not even getting into that one...
We're friends...end of story....and even if I banged someone for days....he'd still tell me how proud he is of me...go figure....takes all kinds to make the world go around, I guess...and as a friend I'm important, but that's about the extent of it...he doesn't feel he has any claim over me...and, well...it's a true fact.
The mean streak in me would love to tell him that I did....lol just to see...but, knowing him I'd end up getting some sort of cheer and congratulation speech....lol
So much for this relationship meaning anything to him beyond the friendship...why do I keep expecting for it to mean something?...
Anyways...trampled on a sore one again....not feeling like writing about it anymore...next week...is another week...and I'm going to focus on work...the productive stuff...
We'll probably lose touch with my busy schedule anyway....things will continue to change...
I just hope he doesn't experience the same as the new guy that when I'm not around...he'll realize that he actually feels something...whatever...nite.