Once upon a naive....

Life doesn't seize to amaze me, and the ability people have to surprise me is outstanding...but it's all about my being so damn naive....I mean, what's good enough for me is good enough for anyone else...but, he had sex with her!!!! I mean, I knew it...sensed it...but it was confirmed...my goodness...I AM the queen of naivete...or however the hell it's written...lol.
So the skeletons are out of the closet...he knows mine...I know his....and now what? Back to square one. It actually makes it easier now...to stop it all at this point...especially knowing how number one ended...lol My double standards are funny...I don't like him much right now...but can't understand his being bugged about my previous situation....
Nothing really makes sense to me today...it's like the past year has been...what? I don't even know anymore...I mean, when asked what it was about...I can't even find the answers...friendship?
Did I love him, he asked me...well of course...not in love though....
How long did it last? I told him a year...saw him 4 times...and BAM he connected the dots somehow...
Talked about the bthday present and how suspicious that was to him....
How we interacted and how obvious it was...
Told me what hotel they went to....more info than I needed...
Asked where I had gone...lmao, silence...
And suddenly, here I am...talking to my friend of years...about all the things we've hidden from each other...makes you wonder....if anyone ever does tell the truth anymore...
Not sure how I feel about it all....so he says he's flying on a helicopter tomorrow...that if something happens I should know that he loves me...
That he knows that nothing will ever happen....
That he wants it to...but knows that I won't...especially now that I know that other thing....and I don't want to feel used...and like second fiddle...well, that and all the other obvious obstacles...
Why am I even thinking about any of this?
This is all so bizarre...like I've walked into the twilight zone....
Confessing sins...over the phone...after hours...baring our souls...doesn't really seem like the smartest way to end anything...
Well, at least the elimination of anything physical is out there....
He knows I won't....but he's still hanging around...
Is this something men do, to prove their interest and eventually get some?
I feel naive when I believe that people can genuinely care about me....why is that?
Maybe because men usually think with their lower head?
lmao...can't believe I wrote that...
So, now I'm not the biggest fan of men all of sudden...what's going on?
Has anyone mentioned he's having a baby in a couple of months? Has one woman in love with him...and another...that he talks to secretly to cleanse his aura...lol
Is anyone faithful anymore? Is monogamy obsolete? Is it the heat in this country that turns everything to hell?
I swear...if I didn't like sex so much, I'd try celibacy....it really seems like the whole bang bang thing complicates things...men, women...geeze...
And feelings...who the hell needs those? Fuck like monkeys and move on...right?
OMG@him....telling me sex with him would have been better...lmao...
Men and their penises...and their egos...I never knew....this is actually funny if you really think about it...I'd never had thought to tell him he would have had a better time with me...although he probably would have...lmao more meat....laughing....shup Becca...
I wonder...if I had had sex with him...what mr T would have said....lol....probably would have enjoyed hearing about it....or would he?
Not really sure he liked being compared to him in styles....of kissing....lol
Wow...this is like living college times all in a year....growing like a darn beanstalk in jack in the beanstalk...who planted the slut seeds????
Sex, drugs and rock and roll...are now....marriage, infidelity....and surprises....lmao
Have I just lost my marbles completely?
The saddest thing is....I feel ALIVE....
Craziness and all...drama...and all....I can feel...something....and I prefer that to nothing, anyday..
So, he slept with her....and now that he's bored of her...he thinks I'm on the market....ha!
Pride is a good thing at times...and this time it'll keep me safe....
Are people having sex with everyone????? Why have I been so clueless????
Has the other one been lying to me to? About where he's been, what he's done...who he's done....how often he does this kind of thing? I mean...if the one I've been rambling about...that I pretty much thought was a saint....made of stone...did it...then how can I doubt that mr. passion has done it more than with just me....do I want to know? Probably not....but I guess I'll have to assume that he has...
Oh well...so noone is special anymore and people just choose to play hide the salami with just anyone these days....
I'm actually kinda pissed...
Well...the trick is...now that I know...I can handle things any way I want to....
If people play games...maybe I can learn one or two...
Nothing is sacred anymore....and that kinda bothers me...even about myself...
Loyalty is further and further away....I mean, look at me....I went for pizza....at the first chance I got...and so will he...if he hasn't already...probably has...because if I did....
Yannow? Fuck it...
I don't care....everyone can just go and screw the entire world for all I care....
I'm hurt....that nothing is special...
No matter what you do...someone has been there before...done it before...said it before...
Men suck, really...