The makeover....

So, I'm back to brunette....went as dark as my nerve allowed it....layers, but still same length...looks good...different...tan is almost completely gone, so I think I look whiter if that's at all possible....lol. Anyway...the big deal isn't the color or the shape, but the fact that women are driven to make radical changes when shit hits the fan...is about to hit the fan...or has already splattered over the off white furniture...Not sure really where I stand in all those, but there's shit...and there's a fan...and that called for a makeover. My grays are covered...thank goodness...and with my very loud and almost maternity top like red and white flowery blouse...I look good! Long pause...and sarcastic smile here....lol, but I don't feel that great....but, I guess that's the point in trying to look the part...so that perhaps in time...I'll actually feel it...
I have this song in my head...from an italian singer Elisa...called Dancing...I hum it all day now...and listen to it on my mp3...it's one of those wrist cutting...depressing ones...lmao...that I feel drawn to listen over and over to....and it makes me feel very very sad....but once I get the fix...I can move on...and focus on the rest of my life....
Sometimes I'm taken back by my own ability to feel....so so deeply....so so intensly...the positive...the negative...the everythings...and the nothings....smiles...
I was discussing will power with my son this evening, and the fact that hubby won't quit smoking...and how some people have it and some don't....and how the stronger ones can let go of things...and people, I thought...and those without will power...the weak....always dangle...in the addictions that life has to offer....and I guess I was admitting to myself my own weaknesses....but I'm strong so far....yay for me! What's the prize? Sighs....growth? At times it doesn't seem like enough....