Just one of those days....

It might be close to that time of the month again, because my skin has thinned a bit. I'm getting good at holding it in though, not sure it's a good thing in the end....it feels like a pressure cooker waiting to blow. My son and his mood swings...answering back to me...damn genes, that child has my temper and it drives me insane. The girls are behaving though...I'm not too available these days though...not really thinking about anything in particular...but spaced out at times...almost like I don't really want to be anywhere...why can't we just take little breaks from life? lol...sounds depressing and dangerous I know...but seriously...just flip off the switch temporarily...go into a vegetative state...and then flip it back on when we're good and ready. Not sure I'd flip it back on too often...lol. Nah...it's not that bad...I'm just in a dark mood today...angry not sure at what or who...sad...just because...and not too motivated for much...must be PMS season...lol.
It's amazing how it takes away from me...I can feel it, that I get tired drying my hair out...not really in the mood to fix it nicely...make up is a pain in the ass...and everything looks awful because I'm bloated and my butt's too big...lol. The toe is much better though...can master those high heels already...thank heavens...it was about time.
People talk to me and I really have to make an effort to pay attention, because I'm not really interested in what anyone has to say...it's all the same bs anyway...work, relationships...friends...family...it's like you live the same exact crap day in and day out...wow, dark cloud over my head today...
I'm bugged...pissed...upset...just blah....and I wish I could just scream and cry and tell people to sit on a cactus and spin...lol. God I feel like crying so much today...but I've gotten really good at putting it in the back of my head...and leaving it there...I don't want to be around when it all comes floading down...I want to sleep, but hate the thoughts that take me there...I want to close my eyes...and hate the images that I see...I want to relax...and listen to some music...so I get my mp3....and when the room is dark...and everyone is asleep...I can let go...
It feels good, to let go sometimes....a good 30 minute weep and then back to business...
Amazing how close people can be, and have no clue...of what goes on in my mind...or what troubles me...how little we ever get to know anyone...
Yep, has to be the hormones....a little sensitive today...and yes, I know the triggers...but, not going to talk about that today...hopefully not anymore...I'm not sure I like this new and improved me...that has the thin skin....and goes around telling people how she feels....but hey, I'm stuck with her....lol.
Reality check....my daughter needs me...back to earth....till tomorrow...