Pandora's Box...

My legs are in pain! I guess I didn't realize just how out of shape I was until yesterday's class....I should have taken something....didn't think of it...lol. So, I make it to the theatre...not a bad looking place...and it was packed...about 30 people to take the class....I was surprised. All kinds of people...older, younger...more women than men. With no introductions the teacher had us start out with some imitating exercises...and magnet exercises....I partenered up with another girl...we had to look for something with a similar build to ours...and off we were....nice music...and after a couple of minutes...my heart is pounding...and it's burning hot in there...and I mean temperature wise!...lol. The ac was off...go figure...luckily it got so bad for all of us that they finally switched it on. We worked with the same partner for a while...it was fun...then a follow the leader sort of thing...and my goodness these folks had energy...I was exhausted...lol. But, a good trooper...no complaining...and went along with it all....
Then some voice exercises....reading a script with certain types of voices...as a group....then a short sketch...was pretty funny actually...one guy recites a short poem...about a hunter and some doves....since there's only 4 guys in the class...each guy hunter had about 6 doves to hunt down and shoot...lol....there's one guy that thinks he's hot...that chose the nicest looking girls in the class....guess who he picked first? LOL...and sat next to me the whole class....not much eye contact on my end...yuck! But I figured I'm in an environment where I might have to be a little flexible about the interaction...it is acting...lol. The teacher praised by dive dying technique...lol and by the time we all had the chance to stand and make our introductions in front of the class..she also said she'd be keeping an eye on me....who knows...maybe this is the beginning of something! I certainly had fun...left the place feeling like a million bucks...just focusing on something different...doing new things...and exploring myself and more layers of my personality....was incredible...I loved it!
She gave us out an email address to check once a week for assignments...and other important information....I hadn't thought about it...but I hadn't been up on a stage since I was pregnant with my middle child...and didn't even know...and had a dance presentation....another experience that I enjoyed...used to do that alot in school...and had formal dance training since I was really young....oh, some of the girls yesterday asked if I was a dancer...LOL, they said I looked like one...of course in my black sweats and black tank top and pony tail....black sneakers too...was very comfy...and most everybody looks good in black....
I feel energized today...can't wait until next Saturday...next class....and for when they start taping our sketches to critique them....we have to put on a play as part of our graduation in 6 months. I'm really excited...hadn't really gotten into anything for me in many many years...and this is something that I had always been curious about....productive...not threatening....well, if I don't count late night practice...if I do chose to get into this semi seriously...which, I would like to...at least dabble into it and see....
Went to the store all excited to tell him about it...lol, I could see that he's not too thrilled...about his wife....potentially getting up close and personal...acting of course...with other people...lol...if he only knew...I did make him feel a little better telling him that there's 4 guys for about 20 plus women...but, seriously...why should I have to? Despite some of my random thoughts...I don't really...or always...lol think of guys in terms of potential fuck buddies...lol...geeze! I haven't turned into a male yet...hehehe...contemplating it though....
I even slept much better...and was in a great mood all day....this can be a release that will really really help me out here....something for me....that doesn't have anything to do with really connecting to anyone...just acting...becoming someone else...anyone else...exploring the feelings...saying the words....it really really sounds like something I'd like to do....
Today, I feel great....relaxed....my mind seems clear....nothing is really bothering me right now....he's off to work....kids are still asleep...and it may be a pool day...got a new bathing suit....and could use the tan....may start fake baking this week...beach outting is just around the corner...don't want to scare the fish with my glowing ghost color...lol....
Keep replaying that class...and how fun it was....my kids died laughing when I told them....doesn't bother me though...they'll love to see me up there...if they get the chance....yep, theatre....sounds nice....baby steps...
Sun is out...but need to give it awhile....rain seems to sneak up on us lately....oh...made a boo boo yesterday...ate chocolate ice cream...just a little bit...but felt fine....needed it! Dinner was nice...we seem like an american family these days....kids big enough to do their own thing...and they do...at the mall...son's downstairs doing his thing with friends...daughter is at the movies with grandma...and mom is done acting...and on her way to join them while dad works and the other child is off at her cousins....fast pace...just the way I like it...and with enough time of my own....to make it a good one....
It's bittersweet though....time is going by fast...have I raised them well? Will they have good things to think about when they think of their mom? Am I a good mother? Hmmm...I could do better....I always could...but truthfully and not to sound like a martyr here....it's not really been easy...it all started so fast...so soon...and I'm not the embodiment of knowledge as far as families go....not much models to follow here...so, considering all that...I'd have to say yes...haven't done too bad of a job parenting....I love them...with all that I am...don't think you can go wrong...when your heart is in the right place like that....
LOL....I didn't really realize how fitting the pandora's box title was until now...because I think I just opened it....
I guess in parenting, it applies...but in the rest of life's different layers...that may not always be true...having the heart in the right place...can also lead you to rocky paths....lol. Or not...wait a minute...so what's so bad about having your heart in the right place...and giving....it's our perogative...and it doesn't mean that other people have to reciprocate...I think that when we expect them to...is when the rockiness begins....we can choose to give....what the other person does with that....is their choice....we can only control ourselves...and sometimes not even...totally...lol.
Everytime I go into this subject, I feel as if I were trying to put a puzzle together...but with missing pieces...and that's probably why I never really get anywhere...I only have my puzzle pieces...and what I suppose are his....not enough to build anything on....and back to my theory of....well, maybe there's nothing to be built....stubborn stubborn Becca...lol, I think it's funny today....that I keep doing this to myself....
Oops daughter is hollering and just on time....be back later...
Breakfast Becca's chapter one of the day....done!