In my head....

This has to have been one of the longest weekends ever...and I've still got alot done....today though...I've slept....
I hope it's because I'm exhausted from yesterday's workout and not...because I'm feeling kinda down....don't really feel down....maybe I'm just tired and needed the rest....it's been a very long time since I've been able to just sleep...for hours...uninterrupted....
I just read my previous blog....to better understand it, I guess....I truly hope that this weekend of digging deep, resolves most of this...so I can let go of it already....and as I'm writing....some previous conversations come to mind...like the fact that when he apologizes about something...he always uses the words this girl.....like he's talking to himself....this girl is putting herself out there...and I'm being an ass....so I'm this girl...lol, I guess....can't deny there's a level of distance there....she...is more detailed I guess...but this girl...is like pointing at someone you're not really involved with...this girl..or that girl....how many girls are there...or have there been? lol...a part of me says who cares, really....I mean if he's multitasked all this time...he's done a pretty great job of it...with the exception of recently maybe...maybe there's another more recent, more fun, and less complicated this girl...that's also changing everything...
I mean, he did say for the first time that he didn't think we'd be ok...but, that he's not giving up on me...talk about contradictions....lol.
That he's a bullshitter....in what way? In a way that he'll tell a fib here and there...or in a way that he's just not been honest to this girl? lol...
Really though...what does it really matter? Flings are about moments in time....and nothing outside of those moments are my business....other than the wish for his wellbeing and safety, I guess....I want him to be ok...and happy....with or without me, really.
I guess that's what friends do...they care....
And...we've agreed that we're friends...so, that is ok...I suppose...
I just need to stop thinking about him....period.
When he told me....that he had taken the long way home...and thought about our conversation though....grrrr, those are the things that confuse me! Arggghhh...ok, this is just borderline insane, what I'm doing here....ridiculous...pathetic....ludicrous...pointless.....
I'm not making any sense right now...and when even I can see that...it's time to give it a rest....
Chore time.....and I've not had lunch yet...yikes! Almost 4 pm here....tummy's not even aware of it though...more boring healthy food...
Tuning out the thinker....last weekend blog...done....