Anticipation....

There's something to be said about looking forward to something....whether it's a new home...a family outting...a romantic getaway...reuniting with a friend....the fact that we are motivated by any of these things...and that it can put a permanent smile on our faces...for as long as the waiting period is....I find, is interesting.
The thing that motivate one person are not the same that motivate another...but, that tummy butterfly...I think is the same for everyone...even though not everyone will show it...or verbalize it...at the risk of sounding or appearing to be childish...but, what's wrong with showing that we're so into something...that we become excited about the thought of it....walking around barefoot in my new apartment...standing on the balcony, just looking out towards the city...feeling the cool breeze on my nose and cheeks....just walking around, looking around feeling that sensation of accomplishment...of fulfillment....that's something to anticipate...for me, it'll probably be tomorrow if all goes well...
I've learned that the best way to get a sense of g'ds sense of humor...is to make plans...so I think of how I'd like things to go...expect the best...but save some energy for the worst....keeps me safe...lol.
The romantic getaway is a few weeks away....it's been such a long time since hubby and I have been away together, for more than a night...I wonder what it'll feel like...a part of me is very curious....but I'm sure it'll be lots of fun...if we don't argue, that is...lol...
And even if we do...we can finally experience the whole make up sex thing that I'm foreign to....or am I? When he had the whole fling thing....there was some of that...and not bad at all...lol.
In fact, now that I think about it...it was pretty amazing...lol....
At moments like this...I have to stop and think about how bizarre it is...that I'm looking forward to moments with different people...at the same time....but, that thought is short lived...fortunately...not willing to analyze anything much today....going with the flow...feels good...then it's good...is my motto these days...
Seeing my gfds is going to be very cool too...catching up on all the girl talk, and from what I can see....there's alot to catch up on...lol, you just never know about people's lives....
Wow...I'm pretty stressed today...can feel the weight of the world on my left shoulder...and my neck is stiff as can be....head hurts a little....I didn't eat well today, rushed it...got aggravated with my son...again...so, not really feeling great....need to get my zen back...lol, which is why I thought of my blog therapy...and here I am!
I need to get my eyes checked again...I should wear glasses for reading..lol, but don't...and the computer is bothering my eyes...such an old lady..sheesh! But what can ya do? Ouch...auto massaging my neck....boy is it ever stiff! Pouts...I'm such a wuss....the whole move thing is getting the best of me....and it's a great thing....why am I so stressed? Mrs. Perfection...that's why...will give myself an ulcer one of these days..
Anyway..back to anticipation....I look forward to many things...but only share a few...silly things like seeing people from work...or the meetings where we all get together and chit chat....seeing people that I like...is something I look forward to...and anticipate...not jumping up and down or anything...but know that I'll enjoy it....so, I get a little giddy...
My acting lessons excite the heck out of me...but I only feel anticipation once I'm actually there...and we're asked to do things...so I wait...impatiently for it to be my turn...lol funny....like a kid...
Doesn't everyone though?
The anticipation of feeling him with me again....close to me....looking at me....making love to me...yep, used the L word...so shoot me...big deal...lol, when in sappy mode that's what it's called....when in other moods..it's just sex...for today, that's not what we'll call it....because as much as I might anticipate sex....it starts out by the other stuff...usually...even though if asked...I'll deny it...lol.
The anticipation of being swept away...and having a permanent excuse to smile like an idiot...lol....
The anticipation of....just being there....away, with him....can't really put it into words...but I'm really really looking forward to it....
June is going to be a fun month all around...if all goes as planned....yay!
My goodness and my anniversary...16 yrs...that's a whole blog in itself...
I still like him alot though...after all this time...which is a plus...lol....find him attractive...which is great....still think he can be annoying...as we all can...but, when I really look hard...I can see the man I know I chose for a reason...even those the reason sometimes isn't so clear to me...but I do know....
Despite my curiosity and thirst for knowledge of what goes on out in the world...I can feel safe that I can always have a warm place to fall....like a song I like says....it sounds very selfish...but, don't we all get together with people for selfish reasons? My husband is that....my safety net...my comfort zone....I don't have to really think much..or figure much out...just kinda levitate...lol...and he's cool with that....or is he? lol
Seriously though...he's a family man...end of story...and that's what I wanted....someone unlike my player, womenizing dad...lol....someone that will stop at the store to get milk and bread...and will take the shirt off of his back...to shelter his kids and wife....he's a truly...good man....and has a heart the size of the world...
And I'm the one that solves things...lol...which is why, as he told me yesterday...he keeps me around....
We've gone from naive love....to I think a more grown up...know that you have flaws but want you anyway...kinda relationship...a tad more realistic than it was...in the early stages...not sure it'll carry us for decades...but, am certainly willing to do the foot work needed....
Anyway...back to anticipation....lol
No, wait....the whole naive thing...reminded me of my honeymoon...my god was I a clueless little thing....
Or was I? I wanted to have sex every second of every day...wherever...
And my newlywed husband of just 21 years of age...didn't...I've always wondered why not....was he seeing someone else back then too? lol...my goodness....who cares though...but, I was a hormonal 19 year old...
the wake him up each night with a blow job type...and he'd not really get to into it....grrrr...hate thinking about those days....ok, changing topics...don't want to get angry at him for water under the bridge...
I don't care what people say....sex is important...I mean, the whole intimacy thing...in a relationship...you can really care about each other...but if that doesn't work the way it should...it's the beginning of the end...unless someone speaks up...and works on fixing it...
It can bring people together...or distance them...
And I'll say it as I have many times....taking away the fact that I'm emotionally high maintenance...lol....HUGE fact by the way....any husband would be thrilled to have a woman that actually likes sex as much or more than he does....I'm an odd creature....really! Most of my gfds talk about it like a task....a duty...sometimes it does feel like it...especially if your mind is elsewhere...but on a good day...it's great.
Takes away the stress....and puts ya in a good mood...at least it does me...lol
And the best of all...I sleep like a baby...smiles!
So, where was I? Oh...anticipation...
Well, I think I've made my point....certain things excite me...and I think about them often...until they happen....but in all the time before...I play out each second....of how I want it to be...
Oops....mind just wandered...into the gutter....
Between the apartment...and June...can think of little else...
Hmmm..I wonder if hubby will get daring...lol....maybe we'll go dancing...that would be so much fun!
Need to start looking for fun stuff to wear...already have the bathing suits....and I really want that black beach dress...
yep, it'll be fun...
Ok, time to rest the brain here....signing out....