What do I want?????

Wow....great last words for this week's episode of Grey's.....those who suffer the most are those that don't know what they want....so, hence the question....what do I want????
Hmmmm...let's see here....I almost went and googled what it is that most people want....figured that would be a cop out so here I am...lol...I'm curious to know...what it is....that rocks my boat....
Ok, let me dig deep.....
I want....to be able to be headache free every morning of my life....
Slow start...but it'll get better....just getting ready to really think....
I want....my son to stop nagging me....lol
No, seriously....
I want....to learn new things....on a regular basis....
I want to....have enough time to do the things that I think might interest me....raise my kids....stay on top of my job....and enjoy myself....without dropping the ball....
I want.....hmmmm, this isn't as easy as one would think....
I want to feel alot....
I want to be surrounded by warmth....and peace....
I want to not have to worry about money...lol....yeah wishful thinking...
I want to age gracefully.....
I want to see my children grow into adults, watch them graduate...marry, have kids and be happy....
I want to read books.....travel the world....
I want to be pampered every now and again....
I want to figure out ways to keep my life interesting....
I want to skinny dip before I die or am too old to want my wrinkled body to dance naked in the water...lol
I want to party all night long....tolerate alcohol and not have a hangover...once in my life....
I want to be able to get away....
I want to not have to scream at my son anymore....
I want to have patience and not get so damn angry....
I want to get to know myself more....and love myself more....
I want to learn how to give more....and not care about how weak it seems...
I want to meet people that challenge me...interest me....make life more fun by just being around....
I want to be able to stop thinking once in awhile....and just go with the flow....
I want to spend time alone.....on a beach....far away....with just myself....and the sun....and maybe some good books and music....
I want to make my house a cozy home for my family....
I want more patience.....
I want my children to stop arguing all day...for the love of god!
I want my life back!
And just had a meltdown on the phone with hubby.....I can't keep raising this kids on my own.....had it...done....no more....
Either I have his help...or I'm giving up....because I am going to go nuts putting up with their crap day in and day out...for hours on end with no rest in between....
I am not superwoman....can't do this parenting thing alone...and I've had to...for way too long....handing over the keys....he needs to take over and deal with his children because I've had it....
Today...since I picked them up at 4 until now almost 10 pm...they have not stopped for a full 20 minutes from bitching...complaining...whining....tattle tailing....and driving me up a wall...
They start activities on Monday...and for every day of the week, so that they come home at night..exhausted...to bed...and goodbye...
Am I a bad parent? Maybe...but I have no tolerance left.....
So....back to what I want...lol...it's funny....me and my list as if I'll get any of it...I've already traded my soul in for a family....and my life as I once dreamed it....is a load of crap....
Yeah....sounds extremist...because my life is good...but...good for who?
Enough money to not have to worry too much yes....but do we have time to enjoy any of it? Not with his work schedule....
Beautiful kids...but do we enjoy family time? No...because they're too busy killing each other....
I swear...I don't know how some people do it...that's why they end up looking very old...giving up their life....for the sake of the family...but I refuse to....I'm sorry....but this is my one life too....
The sad part is...I'll probably bitch when they're gone too...the irony...never satisfied...the story of my life!
Sighs....what do I want? I want peace....and love....and the life I gave up...back! Talk about impossible....lol
I guess I'll have to resume this post at a later time...when I'm not wallowing in self pitty....poor me...and my cookie cutter life....
Seriously....why can't I be just like everybody else and just accept....what is....without whining so damn much....
It's not like anything will change...and I'll have an aneurism in the process...lol
I'm grumpy and cranky.....I want time to myself....
Just me....
Quiet....and peace.....and do or think whatever I want....
When was the last time I slept in??? Ate ice cream for breakfast and just vegetated? No shower...no nada...and was left alone????
Exercise....definitaley on Saturday....might help.....let out all of this pent up energy that's just rotting in my system....
What do I want?????
I want to tell everyone to go fuck themselves...that's what I want!