So, it's the weekend again....

That's not really what I feel like writing about.....but, I'm not going to waste good blog space on what I'm thinking right now....it just gets harder to give people the benefit of the doubt sometimes....
But....I'm maxed out....I'm sure I'll hear about the great reasons behind the email that I never received....couldn't access his inbox....pc was broken....no connection....lol....
Or maybe....he just fell asleep....the truth is...he hasn't gotten much rest since he got back...from what I can gather...yeah, that's probably it....
Anyway, he's actually doing me a favor without knowing it....the little things....are what make something meaningful....without them...I think I'll stop there....
I guess I'm upset because after yesterday's argument...I thought he understood that those little simple signs of affection were something that I need right now...to have a reason to hang on....there's not many reasons really...and I need all I can get....to keep going.....
So, was looking forward to his email....couldn't wait for hubby to leave...lol...the irony....for nothing....
I guess it's symbolic.....never ignore what's real....for something that's not quite defined...lol....
A good thing I didn't want to waste blog space...lol....but, it's probably healthier to just let it out and move on....
Didn't really expect to not have anything from him.....one part of me believes there's a good reason...but the other....is dissapointed....
and the latter is a tad stronger right now....
I was actually excited to see what he had to say.....expectations....are the downfall of positive thoughts...lol....
So, the start of the day is shitty.....what a shame.....but have to leave soon and focus on the real life here.... it'll pass....I will learn eventually....to not look forward to much...and enjoy what I get....
I even checked if there were comments on the blog...lol...so that I wasn't rushing to conclusions....nada....
Oh well...one shouldn't wait for anyone to validate one's thoughts....or silly blogs for that matter....lol....
Again...I wonder....why do I invest, spend...waste...whatever it is...time thinking about this....it's stupid....
I give too much meaning to things....hope to grow out of it soon....
Anyway....I'll probably be back....and rant on somemore....get it out of my system....does he want me to hate him? Hmmm...that thought just popped into my mind....maybe he's not too enthused about this either...and is doing what he can to drive me away? Doesn't really make too much sense if you really think about it...but...who knows? Anything is possible...I guess...
I actually checked mail again...to see if I had missed it...and was judging too quickly...lol, trying here...to not jump the gun...
Gotta go....crappy morning....hope it gets better....
Has to....