A beginning....

I decided to write as soon as I woke up this morning....fresh thoughts, and not my end of day ramblings....too negative...lol. This is a good time of day...not much on my mind...a whole day to look forward to....and the chance to start all over again....
Slept in....really needed it....my daughter gently woke me up for a change...was nice...I'm going to spend as much time as I can with the kids this weekend....the other two are asleep....hope it all plays out well...
Have my girlfriend in IM...poor thing, her mom is terminally ill....and I bitch and moan....she lives so far away from her...has to be so difficult....can't imagine when my aunt gets older or when my mecho goes....as much as they get on my nerves, other than my kids...they're all I've got and have ever had....
I find it interesting how people find these little loopholes to make themselves happy....a hobby....a routine.....a certain kind of food....a lover...whatever it takes to get by the days.....like a game of survival....and we all think we have it the hardest....when truthfully, everyone struggles...with their own baggage....some better than others...some have done it longer....and some just don't deal at all....most of those are in the loony bin...lol.
I've learned that it's about attitude....the kind you have to handle your life...makes all the difference....same situation...different attitudes....different outcome...positive attitude usually works best....negativity blocks and keeps from moving forward....
Truth be told though...it's alot easier to be negative...it's kind of second nature almost to expect the worst...especially for someone like me, that has been pretty much taught that most people suck...lol....can't be trusted....they take advantage....only look out for themselves...
Negativity is protection....you don't expect...you're not left wanting....
The downside though, is that you might miss out on some pretty great experiences in life...and meeting some amazing people....if you shut them out all the time....
Positivity on the other hand...is almost a labor of love...to see past the odds...and give credit to what might not have any at all....lol, yes, I'm not the poster child for positivity here....
I've learned though....to keep more of a positive attitude....baby steps...
Truthfully though...I do it....with my teeth clinged together...with great fear....I have that gutt feeling, that....I might be dissapointed...
But really...what's the big deal?....Dissapointment might bring some more growth...and gawd knows I could use some more of that....lol
Don't want to go through the pain, I guess....
So, I've already stated for a fact...that whenever I'm positive...I WILL be dissapointed and in pain...lmao....I'm so negative it's not even funny....
My girlfriend wants another child and her 63 year old...father of 5 already husband...doesn't want to....can't say that I blame him....nowadays...so many kids...is crazy! I adore mine...but it can get very hectic....there's alot of sacrifice involved for the parents and their quality of life....it's like you give yourself up for them....which I'm really ok with....but can get challenging...especially when you're trying to find yourself...lol, and you can't see beyond the pile of children laundry so to speak....
He's so much older than her, her husband...to think that he'll be 70 in just a few years...what a challenge....you really never know if the grass is greener anywhere...all lives have their ups and downs....
Sex is another interesting topic....people want more that don't get enough...some complain their spouse wants it too much....women bitch because the guy doesn't last long....other complain because they last too long...lol...noone is happy it seems, with anything...
The size thing...I guess I don't have enough experience to have an opinion on it....but I know that it's an issue for some...
I'm more about the whole experience.....how it makes me feel from start to finish...if I'm kept interested and inspired...lol....not an easy job with me being so into staying in control...so, if he manages to get me to let go...it's always a plus...skills are definitaley a plus...lol....and now I'm making myself laugh here...admitting that I enjoy it....in an almost wrong way....is funny...makes me human...so there...
The attention during sex....is lots of fun too...being the center of it most of the time...
Wow...she's planning a girls time away birthday party...San Francisco! Would be amazing!!!!!! Late May....I'm excited already....
Ok...that put a huge smile on my face....going away with a bunch of girls to have fun....much needed....and it'll be a pick me up for my girlfriend and her mom situation....sounds fantastic...hope it happens...
See? there was a reason for me to be on here at this hour...yay! Some time away....for me...lol...yay! I've never been to San Francisco....sounds like lots of fun....
So, where was I?...Oh life and all that jazz...nevermind...I'm too excited to think deep thoughts now...want to go check airfare for San Francisco in late May...to start adding and figuring out how much I'll need to save this month...sheesh! So much to do....such little cash...hehehe...nah, with this size of a family...and our standards...no wonder...lol.
Well, this was indeed a more positive post....and I'm feeling Grrrreat!
Good day ahead....nice start....it's all good. Over and out, Becca here signing off with a smile....